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You're not very fat, for an American
It's a blessing and a curse, being an expatriated American who's lived in London for almost 21 years.A blessing because it's an instant icebreaker in any situation. My accent is weird. Not weird in the...
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A fallow period
Inertia. As I'm sure you'll remember from your physics lessons, it's the tendency of a body at rest to stay at rest.It's a tendency I know well. I'm in a period of unemployment – let's call it a fallow...
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The cat lady and the cougar
I'm a *coughmumblefortysomething* year old woman, and I'm single. Broadly speaking, in my experience, this means I'm expected to fall into one of two categories: the cat lady, or the cougar.I like this...
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Of proms and poodle perms
I got an email the other day about my 25th high school reunion. Twenty. Five. Years. Whoomp! I'm smacked in the face once again with the stark reality of age.STOP LAUGHING. We all looked like this in...
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Out, damn'd spots
Freckles. I got'em. You may have gathered this from the title of the blog, or if that wasn't enough of a clue, from my bio.For as long as I can remember, I've had them. Lots of them. I took after my...
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Twists in the road
‘Life,’ as the old cliché goes, ‘is what happens when you're making other plans’. Clichés are clichés for a reason I suppose.When I was in freshman year of high school (aged 14–15) we did a project...
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The chicken on the desert island
I'm a vegetarian, and have been so for about 20 years. There isn't a question I haven't heard; there isn't a ‘hilarious‘ quip that hasn't been rolled out already. I don't mind talking about it...
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Fuckwit quotes and opened doors
I've been single for about 6 years of the past 10. Particularly when I was a little younger, I was often out at the pubs and clubs of London, so for an average-looking woman I had my share of chat-ups....
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Dry Kindling
I'm not what you'd call an early adopter of new technology and gadgets.CD players, DVD players, MP3 players, smartphones…whatever the gadget, I get one (what seems like) years after everyone's started...
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The City Mouse and the Country Mouse
When I was a child, one of the stories of which I was fond was Beatrix Potter's The Tale of Johnny Town-Mouse, a take on the Aesop fable about the City Mouse and the Town Mouse. In this story, a...
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Bathing beauty
Running hot and coldAh, bathtime. We may have dreaded it as kids, but as an adult, a bath is the ultimate at-home self-indulgence after a long day…isn't it? A chance to close the door on the world, put...
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Alice, bucket lists, and benevolent viruses
This week I found myself near the centre of a bit of a viral storm.On Tuesday, I saw this tweet from Michael Moran via India Knight:I clicked and I found Alice's bucket list. Alice is a brave,...
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Dad and daughter day
I know not everyone's been as lucky as my siblings and me, so I'm not going to go all misty-eyed about how Fathers (generic Fathers) are brilliant. But here's a little about mine.Dad and me way back in...
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No big society, just a little dog
About two years ago – the last time I was out of work (it's a recurring theme in my patchy career) – I decided to register as a volunteer with a charity called The Cinnamon Trust. I had the spare time,...
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Once more unto the breach…
A while back, I wrote about going through a fallow period. My contract had finished, which wasn't unexpected. Truth be told, I enjoyed the first month off. I'd been working a lot of overtime, so I...
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No man's land
You're great, but I'm, um, just refreshing the, er, page.When I saw the article saying that online dating leaves middle-aged women in the 'wilderness', I wasn't surprised.I'm a veteran of online...
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Plinky plonky music and yoghurt for pudding
New shoes and a sanitary towel with pretty flowers on it! My life is COMPLETE!So there's this woman. Let's call her, I don't know, Amelia.Amelia is in her late 20s. When she goes out for lunch with her...
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A kiss with a fist
Don't EVER ring Southampton again!One of the biggest reactions I got from my post Twists in the Road was to a sentence I wrote in passing: I lived a miserable few months first in his house, until we...
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Nobody asks for it
Rest in peaceLike everyone else, I remember the moment very clearly. I was on MSN at work and the guy I was chatting to said “just heard a plane went into the World Trade Center?” I imagined a light...
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Horsing around
Living my dream. The horse may disagree.What is it about little girls and those of an equine persuasion? Like countless other little girls, I loved horses from a very young age. I can't remember ever...
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Don't call me. I won't call you. Probably.
SOMEONE HAD BETTER BE DEAD.I'm really not one for the telephone.I know. Women are supposed to spend all their time gassing on the phone, right? Yapping away with friends they've only just seen ("What...
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Can you pay my bills?
Pay your own bills, ladiesAh yes, as Destiny's Child once sang…can you pay my bills? I'm guessing that Beyonce & co don't have too many problems paying bills these days but I've had problems,...
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Running like the wind (or rather, a gentle breeze)
It's funny because it's true.It started with the most unlikely of sources of inspiration. Most people who read The Guardian or watch Channel 4 will be familiar with Charlie Brooker. Charlie is a...
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The dark side of the sun
I squoosh you, stupid cheerful sun. If there's one thing that the grey, cold drizzle of winter in the UK does, it's that it makes you appreciate springtime. As I write this, my little corner of...
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Equal marriage, maybe
Recently I wrote to my MP - first on Twitter, then at his request, by email - to ask his position on equal marriage. Below is the text of my original email, and then his response – which was, to say...
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